Working Mom

Since we moved to Nevada, I have been very fortunate to stay home with the children.  However, since we are not making any money, and I need to do and internship to complete my bachelors degree, I am getting prepared to go back to work. Some of you may not know, but in Idaho when I worked, I was able to have Oakley with me when Jeff was in class or something.  My boss was very nice and understanding, I was spoiled there. Unfortunately, I will never find a job like that again. :(

I go to a training for work tomorrow. I am really nervous for my kids.

When I went to my interview for the position, I had a good friend watch out kids because I was only going to be gone an hour or so.  This time, I did not want to push my kids on her for 6-7 hours, even though I trust her the most.
I also did not want to burden her with a very cranky baby, even if I was going to pay her. Oakley has been super super cranky, and I just figured it out right now, as I FINALLY felt a tooth come through! She loves to suck, so it has been very hard to investigate if she has been teething or not.

I feel bad for the lady going to be watching her though, she has been such a crab.  I just hope I get some sleep tonight so that I am not a crab too. Oakley is also VERY attached to me. Since she was born I have not been away from her for maybe more than 5 hours, maybe less time.... and since we have moved here, probably max time away from her would be 3 hours. So yea, we are pretty tight, and she has very much attached herself to me.

Most importantly, I feel bad for my kids. I am so sad to be going back to work. I always thought I was the working type... but being home with my kids these past two months has shown me how much I have been missing out on. Honestly some days I would prefer to be at work over being home and arguing and fighting with my kids. However, there are some moments, that I know I am so glad I was there to experience it with my kids, and I always want to be there for them just in case. I also worry a lot about what goes on while someone else is watching them.

I have been researching day homes and day cares.  One in Las Vegas just this week has been charged with child abuse.  They were found strapping children in chairs for 6 plus hours, and with holding food from them. AHHHHH How are people this insane to do that?!!!!

This of course made me more worried about my decision, but it came down to the fact that I don't really have a choice.... Thankfully I found a good paying job where I can also do my internship at, where I will be working more with kids after school.  I will be starting with Basic needs training, and moving up to psycho-social rehabilitation (which really is what I want to do).

All in all, I want my kids to be safe and happy. I want to give them the best life that I can.  By choosing this job, I chose the hours. I get to choose which people I work with, and therefore pick my days and my hours. I look forward to the journey, but am just having a really hard time even thinking about being away from my kids. Usually they will only be babysat a few hours a week due to me and Jeff's schedule, but tomorrow is going to be a long hard day for them, but I really hope its not. I tried to find them the best day home I could, with a women I somewhat know...

However, all of this makes me remember how much greatness I have in my life and how much to be thankful for.  These kids are my whole world, and I am so blessed to be their Mom and get to be on this journey with them!

So I think we will go out and really enjoy today.

-K